Great Dane in the Morning

Lili Marlene

After losing two dogs within a year – one at the beginning and the other almost at the end – we went more than two years without a dog. Our little business became quite busy and there were trips related to it and to visits with our far-flung family. Besides, we discovered there is no optimum time to get a puppy. You just have to do it. And so we did. An eight-week-old female, our second brindle, came to live with us. While we were mulling over possible names – Germanic, never used before by us or any of Ed’s relatives living or dead – a friend who writes and teaches university courses in film studies hardly paused a second before exclaiming, “Lili Marlene!” Of course! Why had we not thought of that before?

Lili (baby)When we announced Lili’s addition to our household, a friend wrote asking if we’d been “on something” when we made that decision. No, but during the two years of her puppyhood we probably could have wished for it. I remember going on a five day trip and coming home to find five throw pillows destroyed. Having to leave shortly after for two more days, the toll was two more pillows. Oh, and she ate the headboard to our king-sized bed. Well, I exaggerate. Actually, she liked to lie on the bed up by the pillows and look out the window, her chin resting on the headboard while she gently gnawed away.

We took Lili for private obedience training lessons in a nearby park, and then once the trainer’s group classes got under way, to those also. Early on, the trainer said we were going to have problems with the dog. “She has a bit of an attitude,” the trainer said. We weren’t particularly concerned; after all, what’s wrong with attitude? The word brought to mind pouty starlets in Hollywood or self-absorbed artistic types. We were a little proud that our dog had “attitude.”

In an effort to socialize her, I began walking her all over town, into stores that would allow it and whose proprietors laughed when she stood with her front paws on the counter. Some places had dog biscuits for her. More and more townspeople were getting to know Lili. But she was getting very big and not always easy to control on the leash. And she began growling at dogs we passed by. Someone, perhaps the original trainer, had suggested a “prong collar,” a stainless steel device that looks much worse than it actually is. The prongs that encircle the dog’s neck are not pointed at the ends. Apparently give enough of a pinch to encourage the dog to behave. But I resisted until, driving past a woman walking a Great Dane, I pulled my car over to chat (a typical dopey Dane owner thing to do). “Oh, he has a prong collar,” I said. “Yes, I got it because I feared he’d pull me off my feet on the icy sidewalks. It works great.” The woman’s recommendation convinced me. I drove home, picked up Lili and walked her up over the hill and along the highway to a pet store. One of the clerks helped fit a collar to her, adding links as needed, and we walked back home. It was as if I were walking a different dog. Whoa! Why’d I ever resisted this? “Oh yes,” another dog trainer I encountered once said, “power steering for dogs.” But Lili still growled at other dogs. Where had that come from? I wondered. She was a female and had been spayed but this behavior seemed like some macho puberty rite. We hoped it would pass.

Lili on counter

Instead, she bit our next door neighbor. Badly. Mary Beth had come into our yard to borrow a tool from Ed’s workshop. We were chatting by the back gate when Ed came home and let Lili out. She raced around the house with a crazed look in her eyes and headed right for Mary Beth who instinctively raised her arm to shield her face and neck. I screamed, “No!! Lili no!” The dog’s teeth sank into the upper arm which Mary Beth grabbed with her other hand. “I need an ambulance,” she said. I ran into the house screaming, “Ed, Ed. Lili bit Mary Beth. Take this towel to her. I’m calling 911.” In my panic, I first dialed 411. “Information,” said the voice. I got the number right on the second try. “My dog bit my neighbor,” I said. “It looks very bad.”  When I’d given the necessary information and the ambulance was on its way, I headed back outside. On the deck lay the dog, trembling and looking confused. “What happened?” she seemed to be saying. We were wondering the same thing. The dog knew our neighbor well, welcomed her and her children frequently into the yard to swim in the pool. There was no explanation for this.

While the paramedics performed triage, Mary Beth got one of her children to bring her purse and called a friend to come stay at her house while she went in the ambulance to the hospital. I followed soon after in my car and stayed with my friend for several hours until a doctor was available to stitch her up. “How about a plastic surgeon?” I asked. “Oh, I don’t know that it’s necessary,” she said. “Are you sure? Everything’s going to be paid by our insurance.” No, she thought. She just wanted to get it done and get home to her children.

The next day we were visited by the police and animal control. The dog pound could not accommodate our very large dog so she was put under “house arrest” for the required quarantine period. I kept looking at our beautiful dog and thinking, “Oh Lili, what have you done?” She was subdued. I decided to call the breeder we’d gotten her from.  When I related what happened, there was a long pause on the other end of the line. And then he told me they’d had problems with two other puppies in the litter. One female that they’d kept was so aggressive about her food that they had to feed her separately from their other dogs. A male that the owner wanted help in selling had been brought to the breeders for evaluation. The dog was so aggressive the breeders recommended euthanasia. They blamed that dog’s aggression on how he had been raised. But hearing from us was a blow because they knew of our long experience with Danes; it was hard to make excuses this time. Lili’s mother, whom we’d met, was sweet and gentle. But we hadn’t met the father, a champion dog that the breeder now told us was said to be hard to handle in the show ring.  I told the breeder I appreciated his honesty and that we planned to see if there was a physical reason, like a brain tumor, that caused this behavior.

Lili at sinkI could understand the breeders’ efforts at making excuses. Hadn’t we done the same thing? Thinking it was cute when the trainers said Lili had “attitude.” Blaming the increased growling at other dogs and difficulty in controlling her on the leash on “puberty” and thinking a prong collar would solve everything. We even made light of an incident on the stairs when our visiting daughter waved a toy at the dog who responded with a menacing growl and a nip on the arm. “You startled her,” we said. “Here’s a Band-Aid.”

We learned about a veterinary clinic in South Jersey with an MRI machine and drove there one day. The vet we met examined her and suggested that prior to an MRI we consult an animal behaviorist. He gave us names at veterinary schools at Cornell University and the University of Pennsylvania. We made an appointment at Cornell and drove up with our dog, having already completed an exhaustive questionnaire ahead of time. Included were questions about Lili’s litter, the ratio of male to females (Lili and the dog with the food aggression were the only females, suggesting a preponderance of testosterone in utero).  We explained that the recent attack was as if the dog were being seized by something over which she had no control and which left her confused and dazed afterward. The behaviorist and her staff put Lili through a variety of tests and in the end, told us the dog was not a candidate for behavioral modification because her aggressive behavior was so erratic; there was no pattern that could be alleviated through training. “This is a very dangerous dog,” the vet said. “She should be euthanized; otherwise, she should never be outside without a muzzle.”  A written evaluation would follow. We drove home in silence, devastated by the news.

All this was happening during the summer we had six weddings to attend in different parts of the country. One of these trips was imminent. We’d already cancelled the older woman pet sitter who’d been planning to stay at our home. “Oh, Lili and I will be fine,” she’d said. “No, I’m sorry,” I told her. “It’s too much responsibility to put on you.” I started calling around to kennels and finally found one that understood our dog’s problem and would keep Lili separated from other dogs. Ed and I were sitting in our depressed haze. “Are we just postponing the inevitable?” I asked. Just then, the phone rang.  It was our nephew in New Mexico, a veterinarian and the father of the groom, inviting us to the dinner for out of town guests. We told him, what we had been dealing with. “Do you realize what trouble you’d be in,” he said, “having something in writing from an expert saying this is a dangerous dog, and she bites someone else?” It was like having cold water thrown in our faces. Of course we couldn’t take any more chances. We cancelled the kennel and called our old vet to schedule euthanasia.

By this time, Dr. Wilson had been joined in practice by his son and had modified his views on allowing the animal’s owners to be present if they wished.  Having heard my description of Bo’s peaceful passing, Ed agreed to come with me this time.  Again I sat on the floor with the dog and spoke to her while tears ran down my face and the younger Dr. Wilson administered the lethal dose.  After declaring Lili gone, he told us we could stay as long afterward as we wished. I would have stayed longer but Ed did not find the experience as helpful as I did. He was anxious to go home and do his grieving in private.

I sent an e-mail message to all our “Friends of Lili” saying, “Our big and beautiful, sweet and sassy, frequently goofy 153-pound lap dog Lili Marlene is gone, victim of genetic misfortune. On the advice of several experts and because of sporadic displays of aggression, we have had to have her euthanized. It was a hard decision to make, especially for an otherwise healthy two-and-one-half-year-old animal, the dog we intended would take us at least some of the way into our old age (Great Danes are not very long-lived but we certainly never expected to lose one at such a young age.) So shed a tear for her and with us, please, and thanks for being her friend.”


29 comments on “Great Dane in the Morning

  1. Margo L. Smith says:

    Wow! How many of your wonderful dogs I remember. But, I han’t known of all their adventures, illnesses, and how many had to be euthanized. This was like the canine version of a Greek epic. And the expense — without your considerable layout for various doggie needs, their healthcare, and occasional recompense to bitees — you could have flown first-class to ever so many exotic places. But, all the love, joy, and delight that they brought to your many households made it all worthwhile. What a wonderful walk through so much Nieder history. Thanks for including me. While I didn’t get to know all of your Danes, the ones I did were, indeed, great.

    • patnieder says:

      Thanks, Margo. While that could have been your late lamented glove in Dagmar’s mouth, it wasn’t; we were too horrified at the time to take a picture. As for all the exotic trips we’ve missed, I always say to people who ask about the expense of these dogs, “Well, we don’t own a boat.” And I guess seeing all the euthanizations in one place might seem like a lot, but I’ve always felt an advantage animals with incurable and debilitating illness have over people is that animals’ suffering can be mercifully ended. Unless you are a person living in Oregon, Washington, Vermont or The Netherlands.

      • Margo L. smith says:

        And, best of all, is the warm wonderful stream of unconditional love that flows between you and Ed and your ever majestic and elegant canines. They have been and are truly members of your family.

  2. patnieder says:

    And that from a non-dog owner. Imagine!

  3. Betty Dana says:

    I can’t believe how many dogs we’ve enjoyed with you. Our friendship all began with Bismarck who was magnificent and we are still enjoying Lotte when we visit. I remember our daughter dog sitting with a high school friend. When I phoned to see how they were doing they said all was well, they were watching movies with the dogs in their laps. It was good that the phone was right there as she claimed they were pretty much happily weighted down by the dogs on the couch. Our grandchildren thought they were like “Clifford, the Big Red Dog.”

    A grand story of your life with these majestic Danes.

  4. Linda Adoff-Valdez says:

    I am only half way finished and so sad about how you lost dogs so early, it breaks my heart.
    I also am touched by the love between you and your husband and how well you worked together.
    I really feel like going to your house and giving Lotte a big hug. To say the least I am really enjoying and moved by your story.

    • patnieder says:

      Oh my! Thanks so much. But don’t be sad. We loved and enjoyed each of these wonderful dogs for the time they were with us. And they continue in our memories and apparently now with people like you who read about them. I’ll give Lotte a hug and tell her it’s from you.

  5. Mary Cervantez says:

    Loved the article & have had the priveledge of living with your Lotte, as her sitter for short periods, a number of times. Thanks.

  6. Herta says:

    Really great stories, enjoyed very much reading it and also meeting you at Ingrid’s!

  7. patnieder says:

    Thanks so much! Hope to see you again and to talk dogs some more.

  8. Carol Neis says:

    Loved the synopsis on the Danes..I remember meeting two of them when you were living in Montclair…I am anxious to read the full story…

    • patnieder says:

      Thanks for reading, Carol. Yes, we’ve frequently had two at a time. We’ve gotten a little smarter in our old age and realize one is plenty. And you know, Lotte is so perfect because we have been able to lavish all our attention, such as it is, on her.

  9. Pat; I hope this is not an inappropriate response. This is Linda, the owner of Buster, not Lotte’s favorite. I heard Lotte had passed away and David and I are so sorry to hear that news. Lotte was the first dog I met in Mt Washington and she was just so sweet and when we visited your home, she was a great hostess. I will miss her and wanted to give you my condolences.

    • patnieder says:

      Not inappropriate at all. Thank you. Did you read about her in the final chapter of my unpublished book, Great Dane in the Morning on this site? She was special. But I guess all dog owners think that about their dogs.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Pat; My husband David and I and our dog Buster moved to Vancouver about 6 months ago. We knew you and Lottie, I heard that Lottie had passed away and just wanted to let you know that as far as I am concerned Lottie was a one of a kind gal. I always just thought she had so much class. One day you invited us in to see your house and have a glass of wine on the deck. Lottie was the perfect hostess and all around great dog. Please accept my condolences.
    I hope one day when your heart heals you will find another wonderful companion.

    Linda, David and Buster (Lottie never really cared for Buster)

    • patnieder says:

      Thank you, Linda, for these lovely words. I’m sorry to be so late in acknowledging this. Lotte died in April, and in July my husband Ed also died. As I plan to write in my Christmas letter, “Not a banner year here.” But right now I plan to post something about Lotte and Halloween. Watch for it.

  11. Thomas Tamburin says:

    Greetings Pat! I’ve just come to learn about Ed’s passing and I wanted to reach out and pay my condolences. I guess I’m still on “snail mail” mode in that had I known earlier I would have reached out sooner. If you’re ever back on the East coast let me know and maybe we can coordinate an MSU reunion. If there’s ever a need for a dog-sitter, I’d still jump at the opportunity! Fondly, Thomas

    • patnieder says:

      Thank you, Thomas. Nice to hear from you. Would that I did still need a dog sitter. I think Lotte closed the chapter on that part of my life. But they were wonderful dogs, weren’t they?

  12. Anonymous says:

    Just re-reading your wonderful stories of your dogs and I saw the post saying the Ed had died. I wanted to send my very late condolences. I only met your husband once, but he, like Lotte was very kind and it seemed a gentle person.

    • patnieder says:

      Thank you. Yes, Ed and Lotte were both kind and gentle, and I miss them terribly. That fact and a lot of other unanticipated occurrences are the reasons for my inactivity on this blog. But I will get back to it, I promise. Pat

  13. Rosemary says:

    Every once in a while I search for my grandmother’s name and her Great Dane kennels that she called Ladymeade Great Danes. I had no idea of what she did during the war, and searching for dog food, and probably food for my mother and her siblings, sounds exactly like her. She and my mother left England for America in 1948. They eventually ended up in Mountain View, Ca on Wyandotte street. I grew up there with those gentle giants, and it formed my love for animals. Thank you for this little look into my family history.

    • Claire Jewell says:

      Rosie! This is Claire Jewell, and I also just saw this as for some reason I was also searching. Isn’t it marvellous to see? Thank you, patnieder, as I am Rosemary’s cousin (on the East Coast of Canada) and so this is also my grandmother. Many years ago, I also lived near Nanny and Rosemary and, young as I was, I remember these wonderful dogs, though I wasn’t there long. I also didn’t know your particular story but it certainly doesn’t surprise me! Thank you both!

      • patnieder says:

        Wow! Dane memories from both sides of the continent — just as many others whose comments are shown above, the result of so many of our family’s corporate moves, almost always with at least one big dog in tow. Now I see rental listings with our breed among those not allowed. Little do they know, foolish people. Thank you for writing.

    • jewell471 says:

      Rosie! This is Claire Jewell, and I also just saw this as for some reason I was also searching. Isn’t it marvellous to see? Thank you, patnieder, as I am Rosemary’s cousin (on the East Coast of Canada) and so this is also my grandmother. Many years ago, I also lived near Nanny and Rosemary and, young as I was, I remember these wonderful dogs, though I wasn’t there long. I also didn’t know your particular story but it certainly doesn’t surprise me! Thank you both!

  14. patnieder says:

    And thank you for this lovely surprise, Rosemary! If this doesn’t get me back to my long-neglected website, what will? I met your grandmother just that once, I think, when she entrusted us with our first puppy, Ladymeade Glenora (a.k.a. Dagmar). We must have driven down from Sacramento to pick up baby Dagmar, in our new red VW bug, and if you looked at Dagmar’s section in “Great Dane in the Morning,” you’ll agree your grandmother displayed a trusting instinct in spite of our mode of transportation. Pat

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